Letter from Mom: January 2015


No one wants to come on the bad roads here. The man that use to repair the roads got killed when one of his big trucks ran over him. He was my neighbor a hog call away. The other folks on my road just died from one thing or another, like we all do. I miss them. No one much comes by anymore. I don’t wish for more people. Don’t want to get to know many. The hill country has worked well keeping the world out. It is so quiet you can actually hear yourself think. Had to learn to do that after a life in city noise.There is nothing to do today. Nothing scheduled. Will think about my 77th birthday and what it means. Here alone in the cabin in the morning darkness with a warm bean bag and a hot espresso warming me against the last days of winter I am grateful. I came to the woods to to learn about myself. A frequent question was, was I actually like that?
My husband and I had an interesting 46 years. We had fun. Our children are ok in spite of us. Time for me to learn about myself. What do you want grandma? Not much child. Just let me be. Let me sink into the sunrise every morning and dream into the sunsets. It is enough to watch the woods and what it gives me every day. Mama and baby silver fox come to visit and eat the cat food on the front porch. The deer have brought their babies to eat the dog food I put in the front yard for them The squirrels are busy. My days are filled with such stuff. I will stay and watch as long as the hills keep the world out. As I walk the broken road that leads to the monastery I am mindful that there is a mountain lion who hangs out around there. I hope to see it. Maybe a bear someday.
Life is quiet and peaceful here and asks little of me. I am reminded of an old saying. Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit. Here a little is a lot. I will continue to greet each new day with joy. As I arise each morning I continue to think I am the luckiest person I know. I am living alone and I like it.

The Professional


Just past the final gate at the end of the terminal sits the bar. The last possible place you can find alcohol before strapping in and jetting off. Here sits the bar fly. Specific to the airport. Specific to the tropics.

Let’s start at the top.
Bad hair. Unkept, but innocent.
Bad glasses. Metal mostly. Kinda round, kinda square. Large.
Black, sleeveless t-shirt, but homemade sleeveless. Converted after one of the native sleeves was caught in heavy machinery. Faded to light black. Almost gray. A few years left.
Shorts. Jean or cargo. Too short.
White socks.
White, New Balance.
9AM, red face. Happy.
He’s on this way to Costa Rica today. To sit at their bars and drink their beer.

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The Situation (Hold Please)

I’m sitting in the Blue Mountains of New South Wales after taking the first half of the day to get here. A walk, taxi, train, car and short walk. In tow were my three Tenba bags including my roller bag, large backpack and small backpack. I’m not trying to sell you a Tenba bag, but as you can see, I use them. . But why do I have them, and why would I want to navigate the world with so much stuff?
photo copy
Great question, and one that I ask myself on a daily basis.

How much easier would it have been to get up this morning with a Fuji XT-1, one lens, or even two, my laptop and drive and make the same journey? As many of you know, I contracted Lyme Disease a little over a year ago, and all I can tell you is that everyday is a challenge. Still, all these days later. I simply don’t have the energy I used to have, and when I hit the wall I hit it for real.

So fifty yards from where I sit writing this, in my room, is my Hasselblad with two lenses, Leica with two lenses, Polaroid and Canon 5D-III with three lenses. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but it all fits in my roller bag, including all the film required, model releases, cables, bellows, card reader, extra batteries, medicine (a lot), light meter, hoods, pens, plastic bags, etc., etc. This is my standard rig. Inside my large backpack is a Zoom H6 audio recorder, two mini tripods, two microphones, XLR cables, etc., etc. And yes, people think I’m crazy. Perhaps I am.

But if any of you have seen my new site Shifter you will know that I use all of these things on a regular basis. In fact I have entire campaigns based on these materials.

So today my feeble mind wanders and wonders. I know there is no way around having all this stuff. I could swap the Canon for the Fuji, which would save a fair amount of weight, and I’m seriously considering doing this. I rarely use the digital but when I need it, like last night at TEDx Sydney, I need it.

It’s funny. I’ve had these conversations with myself many, many times. Games I play. Remember a few things. Working with a film camera verses working with a digital camera are as different an experience as you can have. I don’t believe someone swaps and then makes the same work. That just doesn’t happen, and I’ve got fifteen years of examples of photographers I know who USED to be great but suddenly became very average when they picked up a digital camera. This is another conversation I’ve had countless times over the past decade, always in private because photographers are fearful the “public” will hear them bashing well known photographers who haven’t made a decent image since picking up a digital camera.

I actually don’t think this has to be the reality. I think we have to learn how to use each camera for what it is, and be vigilant in our attention to detail. A Fuji with Nik filters don’t make TRI-X no matter how bad you want it. But maybe you don’t need TRI-X? Why try to make it something it really isn’t? Digital is immediate, endless and flexible far beyond anything in analog history. I think a lot of photographer who declined with digital did so because they were ready to taper off anyway. It’s about laziness, years of busting ass, and also we all love new shit. That’s a fact. Compound this with the reality that many well known folks are surrounded by people who are telling them they are great, so when they show subpar work they are still getting “Oh man, you are AWESOME,” and most of the time they think “Wow, I must be awesome.”

I just put down this laptop and shot four frames with the M6 and 50mm. f/2 at 1/8th. I KNOW this image will be fantastic. I had a foreground, midground and then the subject with window light coming from the left. A classroom of people. Very quiet. This is Leica territory.

And then there is the lifestyle of digital. Computer, computer and more computer. I think maybe this is the part that really has me cringing. Now if I was GOOD on the computer perhaps I wouldn’t feel this way, but I’m not so I do. I will shoot at least ten times over the next days days, here in Australia, and don’t need to edit any of it. No computer required. I will ship the film the day I return and then board another flight to another location.

Not sure why I wrote this, but this scenario has been on my mind today. Two hours in a train to think and wonder. I want the digital to work. At least a part of me. But I have a sinking suspicion I’ll be humping this kit until I pass out or get robbed. I have a sinking suspicion I’ll be adding a Fuji to my lineup once again, probably replacing the Canon, but I don’t see anything replacing the Blad, Leica and Polaroid anytime soon.