To Live or Not to Live

There was a decision to be made. There was no right or wrong, just a choice. The assignment had changed. The deadline was no more. All the options were inside one Tenba bag, black, just sitting there. “What are we doing today?” I asked.
A 5D and four gig cards. A 1v and five rolls of 36. Left in my hands. The decision. My automatic response was 5D…to save money perhaps? A fast turnaround? Would I save time?
But wait. Was it? Is it? Would it be?
I grabbed the 1v and the first roll of 36. One lens. And then I shot. Three people, one big, two small. One hour. Five rolls.
I didn’t need twenty images of one scene because I got in it the first two. I’m supposed to be a photographer remember? 180 pictures. A lot, more than I need.
Getting in the car, pushing the start button and my mind hits autopilot. Download to the desktop, label folders, open Aperture…..but wait.
No need. I think I’ll make a salad instead, write a little bit, sit on the back porch and think. Film, job is already gone, shipped off. Now I have my life back. And now the mystery remains. The anticipation that so many find difficult to understand. Buzzing.

2 responses to “To Live or Not to Live”

  1. Michael says:

    And thus it begins. I love being able to look back over this. Blog and see the changes in your gear, images and voice. I’m sure there is more to the story but this seems like the first time the whole digital dilemma is mentioned. Perhaps this is the start of where your work as we know it today came from. Regardless, I love being able to “hear” what you are thinking as these choices are made.

    • Smogranch says:


      My first crisis with digital came in about 2000 after being almost entirely digital for roughly three years. I knew at that time it was not entirely what I thought it was going to be, and that digital was more of a lifestyle than anything else.

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